I Just Looked Away For A Second

***Disclaimer:  This post was inspired by nothing except years of musing on the topic and possibly a Tori Amos song. 

Sometimes we, as coupled folks, get our heads turned.  You know what I mean by "heads turned", right?  We get, shall we say, distracted by someone that is not our partner.  Maybe it lasts for a dance or a song or a drink.  Or maybe it's a little more durable - it becomes a crush.  This person is not your partner.  You don't pick their dirty undies off the floor.  You don't bicker with them over the little things...or the big things.  They can be anything you want them to be.  And so, our heads are turned. 

It's natural, normal, human for us to turn around for someone else every now and then.  Fidelity is a gift we give our partners. I certainly wouldn't say it comes naturally. It's work.  It's hard.  Often, we fail.  I've failed - but not for a long time.  Having our heads turned is almost like a get-out-of-jail-free card.  As long as you don't act on it. 

Tim and I made a deal a long time ago that we would tell each other about our crushes.  (And if anyone tries to tell me that they've never had a crush on anyone else than their partner, I will openly call them a liar.)  I think this seems like a good thing.  When you talk about it with your partner, they are now part of that world.  Nothing secretive, nothing is hidden.  And who knows?  Maybe you might have a little fun with it.  Depending.   

Mmm, the fantasy of someone you don't know well.  The imagining of who they might be, who you want them to be.  The not knowing.  That delicious taste of ambiguity.

It's My Party, and I'll Cry If I Want To

Yesterday, I was all set to write a blog about turning 33 today, and not looking back and thinking ahead toward the future, and blah, blah, blah. Well, I never quite managed to get around to writing it yesterday.

And today seems to be a different day entirely.

Yes, it’s my 33rd birthday today. And I am definitely not feeling the birthday fun. I have absolutely no desire to wear my birthday tiara. In fact, it’s possible that I may stomp on my birthday tiara.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m having the hardest time with this birthday. There’s no reason in particular. I am not afraid of getting older. I am okay with the lines on my face and the gray in my hair. In general, I am a very happy person – I like the person that I’ve become over the past 33 years. So what’s the problem? I guess I had always thought I would be in a different place by this time: accomplished more, acquired more, done more. I am not married – divorced in fact. No family. No real career path. I feel like I look around at many of my high school and college friends, and they seem so together. Big time careers, marriage, babies, success. I realize that I have never, okay, not always taken the traditional path. I know that I have often taken life’s scenic route. And that is something I usually really like about myself. But lately, I’ve been sort of wishing, longing even, for something more traditional. Is this a grass is always greener situation? I mean, I’m certainly not regretting all of places I’ve been, the experiences I’ve had, the uniqueness of my life. But today I’m wondering if I’ve taken too many detours along the way. I’m so far away from the white picket fence, 2.5 kids, and the Outback station wagon, I can’t even envision what they might look like.

I don’t like this feeling of, dare I say it – regret. This was supposed to be my blog about looking toward the future with positive and hopeful eyes. And instead, I’m just looking back at a life that is no longer an option.

Off to work now. Maybe fighting the good fight will make my birthday blues seem a little less important. It certainly should.

What should I do?

Help! Need advice!

I got married when I was 24 years old. We were married 4 years. We've now been divorced for as long as we were married. I have mostly happy memories of this marriage, but that's all they are: memories. I have a completely new life now. A new partner, a new city, a new view on a lot of things.

Here's my question. Do I sell my wedding ring? It is a beautitful ring. I picked it out, and I love it. I love it. But I will obviously never wear it again. So do I sell it? Out with the old and in with the new? Do I hang on to it for memory's sake? Do I take the diamonds out of it and make something brand new?

I didn't think I would ever get rid of it, but lately, I've sort of been feeling like what's the point? No matter how much I love it, it represents something that no longer exists. I'm not hanging on to it because I am still harboring feelings for the man. Nope. I think I harbor feelings for the ring though. And also, my Mom once told me not to get rid of it. She said I would want it at some point. But will I really? Would it be better to sell it, and use the money toward something else? Or should I just put it away and revisit this in another 4 years?

So any other advice? Has anyone else gone through this? I need some guidance.