Ch-ch-ch-changes

No time to blog these past few weeks. Finishing up at Lifelong. Starting up at KEXP. So much going on, and so little time.

Seems like my life has been almost constantly changing since I arrived in Seattle two years ago. And here we go again. Another big change. Weirdly, I'm sort of starting to get used to all of these changes. Where I used to fear change, I now embrace it, look forward to it, enjoy it. I realize that change helps me to stay present and aware. I am hugely interested in evolution and personal growth, and I feel unbelievably lucky to be in the time and the place and the state of mind I am in right now.

And with all the change that has come in past two years, who knows what's next? The possibilities make me giddy.

It's Good To Be King

When I become the head of some sort of governing body (when not if), I will institute the following law first.
Every person on the road must have one of those "How's My Driving?" stickers posted on their car. And they must include a phone number.
And then, when someone tailgates me at high speeds in heavy traffic, I will call their number. At 2 a.m. And I will yell. And then I will feel better.

Haiku for A Not-As-Nice Day

Not ready to leave
Flip flop weather behind yet
Yes, my feet are cold

Wanderlust

I miss traveling. Dear lord, I miss it so much. I didn't leave the country in 2008. Not even to go to Canada. And it's shaping up to be the same for 2009. There's something in me that is just empty without having a holiday or a trip to plan and look forward to. I feel like without an international trip at LEAST once a year, I start to become numb and ethnocentric and all "U-S-A!" like.
I need culture. I need menus that aren't in English. I need walking all around a new city, miles and miles, just because it's fun or I'm lost. I need mispronouncing words to the local and being laughed at. I need beaches and mountains and smoggy cities. I need dogs running around in places they most certainly should not be running. I need hanging on so tight to my purse so a guy on a moto doesn't snatch it off me. I need rickshaw drivers taking me to shady show that I did not request. I need color and vibrance. I need boarding passes and carry-ons. I need sleep deprivation and jet lag. I need drinking local beers and eating lobster on the beach. I need dancing and hiking and bungy jumping and cliff diving and tandem biking and glacier walking and ziplining and thrill seeking and adreneline running. I need to be that person I am when I travel all of the time.

I need to go away. Now.

Decisions, decisions....

So as a Libra, I have an incredibly hard time making decisions. I weigh and I balance. I make lists and I compare the options. I finally make a decision, and then I change my mind. I often resort to flipping a coin or eenie meenie minie moe. Not a good way to make grown-up choices.

And I am ashamed to admit that, sometimes, I have actually made decisions based on fear. Fear of change or fear of the unknown. Fear of failure, or fear of looking stupid. Fear of offending or people disliking me and my choices. This is ridiculous, I know. Why would anyone do something or NOT based on what might happen?! It sounds crazy, but I know I am not alone in this.

And so now I have made an actual decision. And yes, I did have to hem and haw over this one as well. I will no longer make choices based on fear. I will not allow fear to dictate my life. I will try things that I may not be good at. I will verbalize the things I believe in even if they might not be popular. I will take chances and be present. I will do these things.

Unless I change my mind, and I don't.

Do you like me? (Check yes or no)

I’m learning a hard lesson lately. A lesson I probably should have learned when I was, oh, eight or something. I’m learning that not everybody has to like me. It’s okay if not everybody likes me. I’m not saying this is an easy thing for me to learn, just that I’m slowly coming to terms with it.
Yes, I’m definitely one of those people that worry about what other people think of me. Okay, I’m one of those people that worry about pretty much everything. But especially about what people think of me. I don’t know that the worrying necessarily changes any of my behavior. No, it really just gives me something to obsess over.
But seriously, I’m coming to terms with the idea that not everyone will always like me. I know for sure that I do not top the favorite person list of someone I work with. He doesn’t do or say anything that demonstrates his general feeling of “eh” about me. I just know it. For awhile I battled this. I tried to make him like me. I basically forced my funny, sweet, charming self down his throat ‘til he gagged. And then he pretty much threw up.
So screw it, I say! Not everyone in the world may like me, but I know I’ve got a pretty fantastic fan club going on. So what if my Mom is the president?

Correction, my dear

I think it must have something to do with LOST, but lately, I have become a huge fan of the idea of course correction. Mostly this just means fate, but I like the phrase "course correction". While having our Sunday morning pho, Tim and I were talking about how small chance meetings or happenings can take your life in a completely new and different direction. I think that there are certain people we are just destined to meet. One way or another, even with missed connections and all that, these meetings are just meant to be. Course correction will see to that. Now the question is: does this idea just give us all free reign to do whatever we want because fate will eventually step in? I would say, because I also believe in karma, that the answer is no. Karma and fate go hand-in-hand. We get what we give. I find this idea comforting. As long as I try to be a good person, to be kind to others, to practice empathy, I will end up where I am meant to be.
Sometimes I look back through the past few years, and I have some regrets. I question some of my decisions. But then I remember that all of these choices led me to where I am today. Where I'm meant to be. And I love where that is.