I Just Looked Away For A Second

***Disclaimer:  This post was inspired by nothing except years of musing on the topic and possibly a Tori Amos song. 

Sometimes we, as coupled folks, get our heads turned.  You know what I mean by "heads turned", right?  We get, shall we say, distracted by someone that is not our partner.  Maybe it lasts for a dance or a song or a drink.  Or maybe it's a little more durable - it becomes a crush.  This person is not your partner.  You don't pick their dirty undies off the floor.  You don't bicker with them over the little things...or the big things.  They can be anything you want them to be.  And so, our heads are turned. 

It's natural, normal, human for us to turn around for someone else every now and then.  Fidelity is a gift we give our partners. I certainly wouldn't say it comes naturally. It's work.  It's hard.  Often, we fail.  I've failed - but not for a long time.  Having our heads turned is almost like a get-out-of-jail-free card.  As long as you don't act on it. 

Tim and I made a deal a long time ago that we would tell each other about our crushes.  (And if anyone tries to tell me that they've never had a crush on anyone else than their partner, I will openly call them a liar.)  I think this seems like a good thing.  When you talk about it with your partner, they are now part of that world.  Nothing secretive, nothing is hidden.  And who knows?  Maybe you might have a little fun with it.  Depending.   

Mmm, the fantasy of someone you don't know well.  The imagining of who they might be, who you want them to be.  The not knowing.  That delicious taste of ambiguity.

Brand New Year

I have been decidedly neglectful when it comes to this blog.  My Birthday Goal is to write more, and so, with just 9 days remaining before the big day, I might as well get started.

Yes, Gentle Reader, I am turning 34 this year.  I will officially enter my mid-thirties.  I will be in my last year before moving on to a new age range on surveys and stuff.  So.  Does anyone remember my 33rd birthday?  I bet some of you do because I am *quite* vocal when I'm upset about something.  And wow, was I upset.  I hated my birthday last year.  I was unhappy with where I was in life - in a lot of ways.  I really just wanted the day to end. 

But this is a brand new year.

I am in a much different place.  And on this year's birthday, I will actually be in a different place.  Las Vegas.  Oh hell yeah.  No one can be blue in Vegas on their birthday. 

I might even bring some ether. 

"There was madness in any direction, at any hour. You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning. "

Day 8 - later on

I wanted to go to Taco Tuesday for beers and (duh) tacos, but I resisted.  Instead dinner was a tuna salad sammie on Udi's and some curried quinoa.  A bit of rock melon and a glass of wine for dessert.  Yeah, in the end, it was the better choice. 

Still feeling tired and super crabby.  Is this from the lack of wheat/dairy?  My body adjusting to the newness of it all?  Or am I just tired and crabby as I often am on Tuesdays? 

Day 8 - Still Snacking

I wake up a bit tired, but still feeling positive and upbeat.  Breakfast is a banana and some blueberries plus sunflower seeds a little later on.  A great morning at work has me feeling confident and motivated.  I'm still feeling like I'm constantly looking for something to eat, but I manage to resist the wheat & dairy snacks. 

Lunch is a big ol' huge salad with mixed greens, beets, cabbage, radishes, cucumbers, artichokes, olives, almonds and a falafel patty.  SO good and super satisfying. 

Afternoon energy levels start to sink.  Eyelids are heavy.  An annoyance at work causes a ton of grief.  I'm stoked when I'm finally at home for the day.  Unfortunately, the tiredness and grogginess stays with me.  I don't have any energy to do any of the many things I *could* be doing this evening.  Instead, I lay on the couch, read, and play online.  The motivation from yesterday is gone.  I try and combat it with a snack of hummus and falafel chips - YUM. 

Still, overall, I think the wheat-free (or basically wheat-free) lifestyle suits me.  I don't know why, but I really think it's the wheat and not the dairy that disagrees with my body.  Maybe cause I don't really eat *that* much dairy, and I definitely consume a lot more wheat - especially in its beer form.  Or maybe I'm just trying to justify eating a piece of cheese. 

Day 7 - Nervous Nelly

Day 7, but really more like Day 5 because of the mess-ups on the real Days 5 & 6.  But who's counting?

I wake up feeling anxious.  I didn't sleep great, and I've just got a lot of anxiety going on with work stuff this week.  We're also out of coffee, and that isn't helping.  I scarf down a piece of frittata for breakfast, and anxiously, I'm off to face the world.

It is a crazy whirlwind sort of day, but I am amazingly productive.  The anxiety seems to fade away, and I honestly can't believe how much I get done.  I am a bit snacky though.  I eat a mini-bag of Popchips around noon, and for lunch I have vegan split pea soup and some leftover popcorn with truffle salt.  Later in the afternoon, I have a mini-Lara Bar and some sunflower seeds.  I don't normally snack this much at work. 

I'm on a later shift so I get home later than normal, but I still have a ton of energy.  Feeling good, I BBQ some chicken with Oregon Dan's BBQ sauce accompanied by corn on the cob and asapargus.  Awesome, summery feeling meal.  I force myself to go to bed because I've got a super early day tomorrow, but this was the most energy I'd had in awhile.  And this morning's anxiety is gone. 

Day 4 later on & Days 5/6

Friday night's dinner was amazing.  Grilled halibut with tons of grilled veggies.  Gorgeous.  Oh, and did I mention the tons of wine?  Yeah.

P.S.  Hangovers are not good for the dairy-free, wheat-free, processed foods-free diet.

Day 5:  I wake up horribly hungover, and I have to go to work.  Sigh.  I make myself a PB&J on Udi's gluten free bread for the road, and it does help.  Udi's is surprisingly good.  I mean, the slices are small, but still.  It'll do in a pinch. 
I felt like crap all day, but it definitely wasn't because of the diet.  I'm fortunate to work at WFM because I am able to have someone fix me grilled salmon and arugla salad for lunch.  So even with a hangover, I managed to stick with it.  Post-lunch, and feeling better.

Sadly, it's all downhill from here.

Evening of Day 5:  We head out to a bar, and I eat a grilled cheese sammie with 2 cheeses on sourdough, and I have 3 beers.  Not good.

Day 6:  It's Sunday, and I already know I am not going to be strong.  I start off well - a slice of frittata.  But it's all downhill from there....

We head out for a late lunch, and I eat wings and salad and fries - which all would have been okay (no dairy, no wheat), but then I added blue cheese dressing and 2 beers.  Once again, not good. 

Overall, the weekend has not been good for my elimination diet.  But Monday is another day, another week, another chance to deprive myself of things I love.

Day 4 - Naming Names

Once again, I was starving last night.  I seem to be satisfied all day, but later in the evening, I'm all snacky and looking for something to munch on.  I wonder if this is just habit, something I do while watching TV or having a cocktail.  Could it be that my body has just come to expect late night snacking?  Definitely something to think about.

I had an appointment this morning, so I had to wolf down a few strawberries and blueberries for breakfast.  Not a good start to the day.  Looking back, I probably should have taken advantage of that Banana Luna Bar.  Still, energy levels are still good, mood is upbeat - although that may just be because I'm not working today.

I did a little gluten-free, dairy-free shopping this morning so hopefully I will have some more options when it comes to meals.  Some fun special diet items I picked up include Amy's canned soups (Split Pea & Chili), Oregon Dan's BBQ sauce, AJ's Walla Walla Sweet Onion Mustard with Garlic, Udi's Whole Grain Bread and Flamous Organic Falafel Chips.  I haven't much of it, but you know I ripped that bag of chips open as soon as I got in the care.  Very pleasantly surprised.  I got the Spicy flavor, and they're really flavorful - not to mention the fact that they have NO wheat, dairy, lactose, trans fat, cholestoral, msg, hydrogenated oil, GMOs, preservatives, artificial colors or flavors.  WOW.  When I got home, I dipped them in the mustards, and they were even better.  And I'm sure they're perfect for hummus.

For brunch, I made a spanish tortilla - basically a frittata.  It has red pepper, onion, yukon gold potatoes, parsley, and eggs.  So, so yummy!  Thanks, Martha Stewart!

Stay tuned for more special diet updates.