Us v. Them

Every day I am again reminded of the huge differences between men and women. Case in point: yesterday a bunch of us were hanging out. One of our friends brought one of his friends out with us. Let's call this friend of a friend "Dexter". I am not a fan of Dexter's. Tim's not a fan. Really, no one enjoys being around this guy. He's rude, arrogant, gross, obnoxious. Tim says he's harmless, but I just get a really creepy feeling about him.

Now the big difference between us and them.

Women wish to benefit in some way from our relationships. We are friends with people that bring something to our lives. We seek out relationships with people that challenge us and inspire us. We look at these relationships and ask ourselves what we're getting from them. We analyze them. We're not friends with other women just for the sake of being friends. We have expectations from our friendships.

Men do not.

Last night, I asked someone why he is friends with Dexter. "What does he bring to your life? What does he bring to the friendship?" And he couldn't answer me! I think he stammered something like, "Well, he's funny. He's such an idiot. We can laugh at him. Comic relief, you know." I find this disturbing. You're friends with Dexter so you can make fun of him? That seems to be an extremely low expectation of this friendship. And I asked Tim about it, and apparently, it makes perfect sense to him. Perfect sense.

And so, there you have it. Another fundamental difference between us and them. And like usual, I am so happy to be on this side of the fence.

Leftover-pollooza!

Just made a delicious salad with some T-giving leftovers....

Get out your red leaf lettuce and top it with leftover turkey, roasted sweet potatoes or other root veggies, and red onion. Make a yummy & healthy dressing of lowfat plain yogurt, white wine vinegar, and fresh pressed garlic. Top with toasted walnuts.

SO good, seriously.

On Loss

Someone I know died today. I saw him on Friday. I just saw him on Friday. It’s not like we were close friends. We were work colleagues, acquaintances really. Well, no, we were friendly. Facebook-friend-friendly. He was thinking about getting a dog. He felt like he had settled down enough that he could finally take care of a dog. I knew that he was thinking about getting a dog.

It was sudden. It happened suddenly, and I heard about it suddenly. And it was sudden. Unforseen. Unanticipated. Facebook reacts quickly – even to the unexpected. Posts that were leading, but not quite confirming. Good-bye, and I’ll miss you, and how can this be. It was confirmed without confirming. And then it was confirmed.

He was young. My age, maybe a year older. And I saw him on Friday.

This isn’t about our closeness or lack thereof. It’s about the loss of life. The loss of a huge heart. The sudden storm. The reminder of other tragedies. The sudden punch to the gut. The why and the how and the he-was-so-young. The air is knocked out of all of us when this kind of unexpected hits. And the old hurts, those we thought had healed, come rushing back. And the old pain is new again. Only now, there’s more.

When I first heard the news this morning, I thought to myself, “But Thursday is Thanksgiving.” And then I yelled it to myself, “Thanksgiving is on Thursday!” As if volume might change what had happened. Change this loss. Change the shape of today. Undo what’s been done.

Thanksgiving is still on Thursday, and I just saw him on Friday.

Drinking The Ink From My Pen

I just realized that it's been almost a month since I've posted. Wow. Not good. And really not a testament to my vow a months back to write more often and to write more honest. I will try harder. Or at all.

And now that I'm sitting here with a blank page, I'm not sure what to write. Tim and I have had a few fights lately, and I could discuss that. But I don't want to. I just went home for a few days last week, and I could discuss that. But I don't want to. I could discuss my excitement and anticipation for things coming up. But I don't want to.

Someday I will write a book. But not today.