I had an upsetting doctor's appointment today. Nothing's wrong with Bean, don't worry! Bean's fine, but apparently, his mother hasn't been taking as good of care of herself as she should.
I can't believe it, seriously. I feel like I've been doing everything right, and I've been so proud of myself for how how much I've been able to do, how healthy I feel I've been, how good I've felt for the majority of this pregnancy. But I guess it wasn't enough.
I have to slow down. Apparently, I am anemic so now I need to take iron supplements. I need to sleep more, rest more, do *nothing* more. I have to reduce hours at work. I need to stay off my feet. I need to relax and remain stress-free.
Stress-free? Has this woman MET me?! I'm never stress-free.
And these newfound guidelines have me even more stressed out than before. Reduced hours at work? How is that going to work? Resting more? But I have things to DO.
I feel powerless and out of control. And we all know that I do not like it when I am not in control. I am emotional and kind of freaking out and feeling sorry for myself. And at the same time, I am tired. I am just so tired.
Being a woman is exhausting.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Don't Worry, Mommy
I read this Dan Savage article at lunch today, and I cried.
The It Gets Better Project is about hope. The article and the videos are messages of hope and futures and the-best-is-yet-to-come. And I understand that and appreciate those that participated in this project. But as I read the article and thought about Justin & Billy while simultaneously feeling my little guy kick and flip, I could not help crying.
As I prepare for my new role as a mother, I find myself feeling these stories on a much deeper level than before. I consider the possibilities in a much different way. What if I (God Forbid, Knock On Wood, Shut Your Mouth) discovered my child as Justin & Billy's Mothers did? What if my kid is bullied or picked on or beat up? What if my kid is the one doing the bullying? What if I can't protect him from this cruel world? What if I protect him too much? What if, what if, what if?
Along with a brand new name, this little worrywort has a whole new list of worries.
The It Gets Better Project is about hope. The article and the videos are messages of hope and futures and the-best-is-yet-to-come. And I understand that and appreciate those that participated in this project. But as I read the article and thought about Justin & Billy while simultaneously feeling my little guy kick and flip, I could not help crying.
As I prepare for my new role as a mother, I find myself feeling these stories on a much deeper level than before. I consider the possibilities in a much different way. What if I (God Forbid, Knock On Wood, Shut Your Mouth) discovered my child as Justin & Billy's Mothers did? What if my kid is bullied or picked on or beat up? What if my kid is the one doing the bullying? What if I can't protect him from this cruel world? What if I protect him too much? What if, what if, what if?
Along with a brand new name, this little worrywort has a whole new list of worries.
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